Hi Reader,

In my last email, I wrote about the lion and the sock. When a missing sock registers as a predator, our stress response kicks in. What that looks like varies.

A few years ago, I recorded a lesson for my breathwork course about stress archetypes. The lesson ends by encouraging everyone to reflect on which archetype they are.

When working to move out of our stress responses and into a more relaxed, more connected state, it’s important to know what our stress response is, how it feels, both physically and emotionally, and what stories we might be telling ourselves (consciously or unconsciously) that support these responses.

When I wrote the lesson (you can watch it here), I was only aware of four types: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

All mammals were designed to respond with fight, flight, and freeze in order to survive. We ran from predators, fought with warring tribes, froze (the literal deer in the headlights) when we couldn't run or fight.

Fawn is a social and entirely human addition: appeasing the threat to keep the peace.

In the years since I recorded the video, I learned about a fifth, flop. A total collapse, low energy, feeling numb. It feels foggy or checked out.

Most of us are a combo. One response usually leads, and it can change with the setting and the people we're with.

So, what is the point of knowing our stress archetype?

Well, often, each of these has a story behind it or is based on a method for survival we learned in childhood. And while we can’t unlearn these patterns overnight, we can try to look at them more objectively and uncover the underlying story.

We can start noticing the signs. This will give us a pause between the physical response and our reaction. From here, we can use bottom-up approaches to ease the physical side, which tells our minds we are safe.

Then, we can also work to rewire our brains and make a new story.

I wrote a post on all five, with what each one can look like for moms and the questions I use to figure out which one is mine. You can read it here.

Yours in rewriting our stories,

Jess

P.S. If you're curious, my response was always fight with the underlying story that "I'm not being heard." More recently, I moved to flop. Because I didn't even know this was a nervous system state, I started treating the physical side, which helped, but wasn't quite enough. I'll talk a little more about that next week.

If you'd like to go deeper, I'd love to have you at my free live training, The Reason You Yell at Your Kids, on Wednesday, November 18 at 10am PT. Save your spot here.