Hi there,

One of the things I noticed when I first became a mom was how after a long day with my kiddos, anything that touched me felt like it would make my skin crawl.

I had never heard (or experienced) the phrase "touched-out." So I didn't have a name for what was happening.

Physical touch is my love language. I love those kids and I love their hugs and snuggles and little pats and all of it more than anything. But I was flinching. Naturally, I judged myself. What kind of mom flinches when her kid reaches for her? What was wrong with me?

Nothing.

What I didn't realize was that by late afternoon, my nervous system had been taking in input since early that morning: voices, noise, questions, interruptions, hands. It had taken in everything it could. By evening, it was overwhelmed, and the skin-crawl was my body telling me it had hit its limit.

The kids are no longer babies, so instead of feeling touched out, I lose all patience around 7 pm and everything is so loud.

They aren't any louder than they were at 3. They don't whine more, the bickering is usually done by that time, and the house is usually cleaner than it was earlier in the day.

It's not the kids. It's me.

My nervous system is fried.

For years, on these hard evenings, I asked what was wrong with me and what was wrong with my little ones. What I should have been asking was, what can I do to refill my cup?

Our impatient reactions say more about how depleted we are than about our kids' behavior or our own temperament.

So rather than judging yourself for impatience, or for being touched out, or for any of the other things we do when our nervous systems are dysregulated, take a moment of self-compassion and forgive yourself. Motherhood is overwhelming.

Yours in the overwhelm,

P.S. Next week, I'll talk a little more about nervous system regulation and what a lion and a missing sock have in common.