Hi Reader,

A few years ago at Thanksgiving dinner, my stepsister called my sister and me out for not being helpful. She went on and on about what we weren't doing and what we should be doing. She may have had too much wine (maybe me too).

My face got hot. My throat closed up. My eyes welled.

I told myself to calm down. It didn't work, because we can't think ourselves calm. We have to calm our bodies first.

Here's what I wish I'd had at that table. Each one takes a minute or less:

↠ Three physiological sighs in the bathroom (the bathroom counts, and nobody questions it)

↠ Feet pressed into the floor, under the table

↠ A calm exit line, ready before we walk in

↠ A quiet car ride home so everyone can come down

I wrote all four out, plus what to say when someone criticizes us at dinner, in this post.

And if being calm all the time is the goal that keeps tripping us up, I wrote about that too in the myth of calm.

If you want to understand what's happening in the body when we snap, cry, or shut down, I'm teaching a free live class on Wednesday, November 18 at 10am PT: The Reason You Yell at Your Kids. It's free, it's about an hour, and there's a replay if you get interrupted. Save your spot here.

Yours in letting go of the guilt,