Pre-S: It’s my birthday month and I am celebrating by giving you a gift. Next week, look for a few emails from me. I'm offering a discount on the Raising Slow Membership. This is your chance to embrace a more mindful, peaceful motherhood journey at the lowest price it has ever been (or likely will be)!

Hi Reader,

Yesterday, I wrote an email on anger for A Year of Mindfulness. I spent a bit of time reflecting on how frustrating motherhood can be, that the common thread of collective motherhood might be a deep, heart-opening, unequivocal love combined with a level of frustration few of us could have anticipated.

Even with the most peaceful intentions, parenting books, and plain old hard work, the frustration felt can sometimes feel desperate.

There is a bit of inherent frustration that is going to come with managing the chaos of children (they are naturally chaotic!). But, unfortunately, modern motherhood is just hard. The list of why it is frustrating is long:

• We are spread way too thin, with unrealistic expectations. We are expected to hold careers, keep a clean (and well-decorated) home, stay fit, take care of ourselves and do the completely all-encompassing job of raising our children.
• Our support systems are close to non-existent.
• Our needs are rarely considered.
• We’re expected to “bounce back” after we have our kids.
• We may not have had the parenting models we needed.
• We know so much more than we ever could before, with more information than we could ever know what to do with, which forces us to always wonder, “did I make the best decision?”
• There is so much judgment and blame around motherhood. Almost every mom I know has been shamed by a stranger in ways that our male partners never have been.
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The list could go on and on. Needless to say, it’s frustrating to be a mom today. And that frustration can lead to anger and resentment.

As I wrote, I considered deleting this list, as I wanted to focus on releasing anger rather than stoking it. But, I kept it.

Sometimes, when feeling so frustrated, I’ll ask myself, “What is wrong with me? Why am I so angry/frustrated/irritable all the time?” but maybe the questions I might ask myself is “How is our culture contributing to the frustration, self-doubt, stress, etc. of mothers?” and “What (if anything) can I do about this for myself, in my home, for my relationships?” Maybe I could remind myself, "Motherhood is hard. It is frustrating, and I don't have as much support as I probably need. What can I do with these circumstances as they are?"

I kept it in because I wanted to recognize that the frustration many of us feel isn’t ours alone, it isn’t because we are somehow doing anything wrong. It is the result of a broken system that hasn’t figured out how important it is to support the well-being of mothers.

It felt a little like a rant, and possible blog post start. I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

Anyway, one of the best ways we can ease our own frustration and anger is through mindfulness. While we can't meditate our way to more support and fewer unrealistic expectations, we can meditate our way to an acceptance of these and maybe even a wisdom of how to deal with them in a less-frustrating way. I will say, mindfulness has given me more of an "I don't give AF attitude" to a lot of the external judgment I have felt bringing two wild boys out into the world. It's also helped me to let go of a lot of some of the expectations and guilt for not doing everything "perfect" (or even close to it).

Simply being aware and allowing ourselves to notice the feelings and physical sensations that come with these (and other negative emotions) can have a profound effect on easing them as well as increasing our own resilience when we are in the midst of frustrating situations.

Last week, I wrote about mindful motherhood. I know I talk about it a lot, here, on the blog, in all of my products, all the time…. Maybe you’re tired of it

But mindfulness isn’t just a buzzword. It is a way of living that brings more peace, presence, and joy into our lives. And has a way of turning those overwhelming moments, the frustration, the anger, all of it, into opportunities for growth and connection.

Anyway, I'll be talking a little more about mindfulness and some of my own thoughts on it in the coming weeks as I sort of reevaluate my own relationship to presence and my kids.

Yours In mindfulness,

PS If you want more mindfulness, the Raising Slow membership can help keep you accountable, show you ways to bring it into your life, and help find a practice that works for you. (and really so much more). I can't wait to tell you more about it next week.

PPS Because we live so near to the LA fires, our community has been sharing needs. For the near future, I will be using the PS space to share resources and needs related to the fires. As friends share links, I'll put them here.

For now, here is a friend of a friend with two high needs autistic children who lost everything.

If you know any resources that I should note, please reach out and please forward to any one you think could use these. For now, here are a few resources:

↠ Here are financial and housing related resources from the LA Homeless Services Authority. This page also has a list of places to donate.

↠ Free and discounted resources for victims of the LA fires from the LA Times​

↠ Fashion and Beauty companies helping out from WWD. Some of these are offering sales with proceeds going to aid the fire victims. If you are shopping, consider purchasing something from one of the brands doing a benefit.