Hi Reader,

My kids left for a cruise with my mom this morning. All of the cousins, the grandparents and none of the parents.

After I dropped them off at the airport, I noticed I missed them so much, so deeply that I felt wobbly. Like part of me is, just like that 🫰🏽, gone.

At the same time, something else has shown up alongside the missing. A relief, a joy, a sense of leisure. I did not have to rush home for anyone. I got back in bed at the hotel and slept. Then watched the tail end of Sixteen Candles. Then sat by the pool — with my eyes on a book, not on the latest "trick." I may have dozed off again.

It's a version of me I don't feel very often. A little selfish, a lot in my own world. A woman, not "just" a mom.

It's such a strange, small thing to feel like your own person again. And it sits right next to missing them so much it hurts.

I know not everyone has someone who can take their kids somewhere like this, and I don't take it for granted — not for a second. I feel lucky every time I think about it. Every time I tell anyone else about this, I get a standard response, "Wait, what?! Is she adopting any other grandkids?"

I also know the guilt that wants to show up here. Shouldn't a good mom just miss her kids, full stop? Shouldn't I be a one-dimensional version of motherhood who pines for her kids all week?

Of course not. But we're swimming in a culture that's romanticized motherhood into something almost saintly — the "cherish every moment" captions, the moms who insist they miss their kids the second they're out of sight, the quiet implication that wanting space means something's wrong with you, or worse, wrong with how much you love them. That romanticized version leaves zero room for a mother who is also, simultaneously, a whole person who might want a week (or a few moments) to herself. Only one of those mothers is real.

So I'm reminding myself once again, and saying it plainly: we are good moms even when we're not performing the romanticized version of motherhood. Feeling relieved and light because your kids are off to camp, on a trip, at their dad's, wherever — that doesn't unmake you a good mom, any more than losing your patience does.

So if your kids are away this summer — camp, a trip, their other parent's house, wherever — consider this your permission slip. Have the wine. Go to the pool without a bag big enough to double as carry-on luggage. Sleep in. Watch the show with the scenes you've been rewinding in your head since the kids interrupted it the first time. Do whatever fills you up while they're gone. You can miss them *and* enjoy every minute of it. Both. And.

Yours in missing them today,